Panic attacks left me scarred

Posted on: Fri, 08/09/2019 - 11:53am
MillieM's picture
Joined: 08/08/2019 - 15:25

I wrote another post about my panic attacks possibly being linked to my thyroid but there is a lot more to this story that I want to share. I remember my first panic attack as if it happened yesterday. I was at a family bbq enjoying the gorgeous day when I suddenly started to feel off. At first, I got the shakes, then a really severe headache. I couldn't stop shaking for hours. I was so scared that my family called an ambulance and I was taken to emergency. After hours in the emergency room and a lot of tests, the doctor told me that I was perfectly fine and asked me to follow-up with my GP. Once I saw my GP she also told me that I was healthy. I was so confused because no one could explain what happened and why. At that time I never even heard of a panic attack. The second time it happened was a few months later when I was walking to a facial appointment. I laid down on the table when my heart started racing out of control, my hands went numb and I felt really dizzy. I sat up and got really scared. The aesthetician did everything to try to calm me down. I went to emergency because I was convinced that I was having a heart attack. Yet again, hours later, the emergency room doctor said that I was healthy and nothing was wrong with me. No word of panic attacks. I left even more confused; what was happening to me, it was scarier this go-around. Why was this happening to me out of nowhere? One last experience that I want to share. I was driving on the highway when I started to get a severe headache and my left arm went numb and tingly. I thoughts "this is it! this is a heart attack or stroke!" The symptoms got worse as I was driving so I called my family in a panic and they told me to drive myself to emergency which was 10 minutes away. This time I got a CT scan of my brain, which they had never done before. Also, they ran blood tests and an EKG. When everything came back normal, the emergency room doctor sat down and told me that I had a panic attack. That was the first time that anyone ever made sense of what was going on. It was an "ah-hah!" moment.

The many more experiences like this never made it any easier. Just because I knew what was going on, did not make them easier to deal with. And now that it seems that my panic attacks have subsided, I feel totally scarred by them. I can't live in peace because I still have fear that I will be out somewhere and one will come on like the others did. I don't know how to get over this fear. Its been a while since one landed me in emergency and I am still living a paranoid and fearful life. I miss the days when I never experienced a panic attack. I miss the days of feeling totally free. Now I walk around with a heavy weight on my shoulders so to speak and I don't know if I will ever be able to get over this.

For whoever has gone through this and is still going through this I would love to know how you live your everyday life freely. I can use all of the help I can get. Thank you!

Posted on: Mon, 08/12/2019 - 1:06pm
glow's picture
Joined: 08/09/2019 - 16:09

Thank you so much for being brave and sharing your story. I feel like when you go through something like this it feels like you end up with a version of PTSD. It might feel like such dread thinking that this might happen to you again. Just know that you can and will get better and over time your mind will forget the pain that you felt in the past.

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