been tough for me lately

Posted on: Fri, 08/09/2019 - 3:46pm
digby's picture
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Joined: 08/09/2019 - 15:38

hey there, I'm new to this site and read a bunch of the posts in this forum so I thought to share what's going on with people who will probably get it the most. I lost a loved one not so long ago and even writing about it makes me anxious but I'm really hoping that this helps. My therapist actually told me to write about it so I guess there's no better plan then here.

I've had really severe anxiety for as long as I can remember and for years I suffered through it on a daily basis. Then one day I couldn't take it anymore so I saw a psychiatrist who put me on meds. That helped but I didn't feel like myself at all. I always felt really groggy and I couldn't handle the reality that this is how I would have to feel every day all day just not to feel my anxiety. I've tried so many different things to combat my anxiety but the worst was yet to come. When I lost my dad I lost my world. He was my best friend and we did everything together, even worked together. And one day he was gone, it was so quick that I think I'm still shocked. Once we were done with the funeral it took months for reality to set it and with that panic and anxiety that was over the top.

I'm still struggling with the reality that he's gone, just gone. I'll never see him again or talk to him again and that in and of itself is really unbearable. I talk to a therapist weekly and it helps a bit, it's like a bandaid. Once the session wears off all of the grief and anxiety comes flooding back in.

How do you go on with your day to day life after losing your best friend? How do you deal with the anxiety that comes with it? Not just regular anxiety, but really panicky anxiety. I don't want to live a life medicated, I want to live a normal life but will it ever be normal again?

Posted on: Mon, 08/12/2019 - 11:40am
MillieM's picture
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Joined: 08/08/2019 - 15:25

Hello Digby, I'm so sorry for your loss and for what you've been going through. I can relate to what you've been going through. When I lost my mom, my anxiety went through the roof. I felt in a constant state of anxiousness and sometimes even panic. I couldn't walk out of the house without feeling really severe anxiety. Honestly, the only thing that ever helped me was to go into my dark closet and have a good long cry by myself. Talking to a therapist kind of helped but talking to someone who went through loss was the most helpful because I felt like we were speaking the same language. Your life will be normal again because there are so many things that you can do to help yourself. Have you tried alternative therapies like acupuncture, meditation and/or yoga?

Posted on: Tue, 08/13/2019 - 12:25pm
JustJules's picture
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Joined: 08/09/2019 - 09:13

i'm really so sorry for what you are both going through with your losses. i can only imagine how that can add to your anxiety and worsen the symptoms. i know that there's no real timeline with grief but there are tools that can help you get through it. i agree with Millie, alternative therapies can help a lot, it's worth a try.

Posted on: Wed, 08/14/2019 - 9:50am
digby's picture
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Joined: 08/09/2019 - 15:38

thanks for your support, it helps. its been tough because i haven't been able to talk to anyone who can relate to what i'm going through so being here does help. last week was one of my toughest weeks yet but somehow i made it through.

Posted on: Wed, 08/14/2019 - 10:09am
MillieM's picture
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Joined: 08/08/2019 - 15:25

Digby, I am here to help in any way that I can. I am really sorry for what you are going through but if anyone can understand how you are feeling I definitely do. I feel your pain. Every week will be different but I promise that it does get better. I felt totally hopeless and every week got a little bit easier for me slowly but surely. The first few months of grief were the worst and then it starts to get easier week by week, month by month.

Posted on: Fri, 08/23/2019 - 12:10pm
digby's picture
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Joined: 08/09/2019 - 15:38

thanks millie i appreciate your help on this bc i know you get it after losing your mom. some days are rough and others are getting slightly better so i have hope.

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